Self-worth & Deserving Love – Part 1

How Deservedness Shapes Self-worth

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How Deservedness Shapes Self-worth

A friend recently challenged me with a simple but profound invitation: practice deservedness.

And ever since, the word has been echoing in my mind.
Deservedness. Deservedness.

What do I believe I truly deserve?

When I sit with that question, really sit with it, I start to notice the quiet, old beliefs that have shaped my inner world—beliefs that whisper I deserve struggle, that pain is somehow my portion. These thoughts, so ingrained they’ve become almost invisible, form the architecture of my sense of worth.

They sound like this:
– I’m only worthy when I’m useful.
– I must tolerate harmful behavior because pain is what I deserve.
– Absorbing others’ emotional turmoil makes me valuable.
– I am not lovable.

It’s uncomfortable to write these core beliefs. It may be uncomfortable to read them, too, but, I have a feeling I’m not alone. If you look closely, maybe you’ll notice echoes of your own hidden beliefs in these words.

It’s hard to confront the ways our self-worth has been shaped by unspoken wounds. But it’s worth it. Because if we don’t ask these questions—if we don’t examine what we believe we deserve—these hidden narratives can quietly shape our relationships, our choices, our patterns of thought.

So, if any part of this resonates with you, I invite you—just as my friend invited me—to…

Practice deservedness.
Practice knowing you deserve what you long for.
Practice believing you deserve love.
That you deserve to be seen.
To be met with patience.
To be treated with care and consistency.
To be spoken to with gentleness.

Practice deservedness—and see what begins to shift.

You’re Not Alone

If this resonates with you, you’re not alone. These beliefs are common, especially for those with histories of trauma, people-pleasing, or burnout. Working with a counselor or coach can provide a safe space to explore your core beliefs and support your healing journey.

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